This kind of homogenous community

The feeling of fitting in-I guess this is something we go through day by day. Sometimes we may not recognize it-probably this is when we feel like fitting in. This is when we feel invincible and incredibly good. It seems like nothing can hurt us, because we are a part of a big group. A part of a huge, homogenous community. There is no room for doubts. This feeling lasts as long as you feel like fitting in. Maybe it grows and lasts a little longer.

But as soon as the feeling of fitting in decreases the doubts will increase. This is something I experienced several times. At some point I began to ask myself if I really need to fit in and what does fitting in mean? The feeling of fitting in or not is a really weird one, especially because no one really knows the rules of fitting in or not. There is no criteria.

But there is a ruler. A ruler, who decides not very objectively but very mercilessly. And the ruler is yourself. The only person that decides if you fit in or not is yourself.

Fitting in does not mean being like everybody else-because there is no „everybody else“. Everybody is different. This homogenous community does not exist. The only similarity that everybody shares is that everybody is different. As a consequence feeling like fitting means being different, being aware of it and especially being able to not only accept it but to love it. Who should love you if you do not love you by yourself?

When I was a bit younger, I guess it was like 4 or 5 years ago, a lot of my friends start doing drugs. The grew from partying, to drinking and finally they end up doing drugs. I developed in quite the opposite direction. From partying I went on to a healthier lifestyle. I wanted to become more balanced, more „boring“ like some people would say. But this was what I needed.

Of course, it was not easy recognizing that some of my best friends developed in the opposite direction. I ask myself if something was wrong with me. I tried keep on partying with them, but I just could not enjoy it. It was terrible, because I always joined them although I definitely did not fit in. I recognized that. And everybody else did. It is not directly obviously but everybody has that instinct. So I spent my weekends doing things I did not like just to pretend being what I considered as „normal“. The biggest struggle is that if you do so, you cannot develop your own lifestyle. The more time you spent doing the wrong things, the more you will get to know people that do not fit into your lifestyle. Those are the moments that grow the feeling inside of you-the feeling of not fitting in. This is when you see the „homogenous group“ that fits together perfectly.

And this is when you need to stop. As long as you spend time doing things that do not ft to you, you will get to know people that do not fit to you. This is what I recognized after having spent too much time.

When I grew older I started to to different things and in order to that I met a lot of different people. It is not important to meet people that do the same things you do. It is important to meet all kind of different people and to recognize they accept you, no matter what you do.

It is unbelievably releasing not to try to hide the own dreams and visions. As soon as you start to be honest about yourself nobody will criticise you for that. You will learn how ridiculous it is to ask yourself if you ft in or not.

At the beginning of this blogpost I mentioned the so-called instinct. This is, as I said, something we all have. Due to this instinct, people will recognize if you accept yourself as you are. If you do so, they will not even ask themselves if they accept you-they will just do so. And this is what you do instinctively as well. The more you accept yourself, the more others will accept you. The more you accept yourself, you will feel like fitting in. No because you are equal to everybody also, but because you do not need to care. And this makes you a part of this big, homogenous group that is totally different but has one important similarity: being different and appreciate it.

As you may have recognized, this could be called a vicious circle. If you are happy with what you are you will feel like fitting in, which means you will be appreciated. This will make you feel even more happy and so on. Unfortunately this could go into the opposite direction as well. This is why it is so important to do what you love. If you do what you love, you will meet people that share the same visions and dreams. Besides, the happier you are the less you ail compare yourself to others. So do not force yourself into something you don’t see yourself in. Tis is never a goof idea. As soon as you start to surround yourself in an area you feel comfortable in, you’re self-esteem will grow and it won’t take long until you can be proud of what you are-no matter where you are.

So to sum-up, the feeling of fitting in is a construct that we build by ourselves.There is no objective criteria ind therefore this feeling is completely irrational. As soon as we start to control that feeling we will be able to fit in everywhere and to convince everybody that we are perfect just right as we are.


Why some things may not work out

Have you ever found yourself wondering why some things may not work out? Did this lead you to being sure that this one ting will never work out? As a result, did you even accept that? Have you decided not to expect it to happen so that you will not be disappointed?

What makes seem to be a good plan and quite a satisfying decision to yourself could be the reason of failure. In short-term, this may seem to be a good solution. It is said that you should expect nothing-right? So this is what you decide to do-because you do not want do be disappointed afterwards. But what about hoping for the best? This part should not be forgotten.

A lot of questions- I know, sorry for that!

Accepting a certain state is the worse that can be done. If you accept that, you may also agree to that point that you do not deserve it or that you are not good enough to got for it-which is all nonsense!

We sometimes say that if you believe in something hard enough, it will happen. This is the main point of my post. Believing in something does not only make good things to happen-it goes along with the negative ones as well! So you should really try to control your negative feelings before they start to control you. There may be situations during which you fail several times. This is exactly the point when you need to push yourself even more, instead of convince you that it will never work out.

Believe in yourself so hard like you used to believe in your certainty of failure. Keep on going and try to think as much as possible-this is how things will work out!

Pursuit of Happiness-due to a journey

Hey guys, since I heard a lot of people having exactly the mentioned plan: finding their happiness on a journey, I thought this would be worth a blogpost.

I travel a lot. For the last 6 years there has been no year when I did not take a bigger journey. When I say bigger journey, I talk about journeys that last at least 3 months. Additionally I have a lot of friends that travel quite often.

There is one phenomenon that occurs very often: When people start their travel, the talk about aims like „finding myself“, „doing things I have never done before“, „feel happiness“ and so on. „Good luck“- this would be my answer to all of them.

The explanation is simple: maybe you will be at another place- but you will not be another person! Being happy is something that starts and happens in your mind. Everybody has its own criteria to pursuit happiness, this is why some people are more happy when having less!

Happiness being found in material things is rather a short feeling of joy-if you are honest to yourself. Material things make you forget your inner feeling of unhappiness-but that don’t make it disappear. Have you ever seen people that can not get enough? Like buying bigger houses, bigger cars? Do you think that makes them happy?

Real happiness is being happy with what you are, not being happy with what you have. Because your property can disappear-but your true self will not! This also means, the journey itself will not make you happy-it is just a physical thing, nothing in a mental way. Don’t get me wrong- a journey can support your personal pursuit of happiness or can lead you to your pursuit of happiness. But a journey itself is not what your pursuit of happiness is.

You will not be another person when you enter another county. You will not do things you have not done before if your mindset is still the same. Change your mindset-then you can change your feeling of happiness. This can happen during a journey-but a journey is no guarantee. What happens or not is all up to you, it is not up to the place you are.

So what I want to tell you: do not rely on a journey to make you happy. Even if you quit your job or spent all of your money, without an open mindset happiness will not be pursuit. Be aware that you need to make a step out of your comfort zone-or even two! Do not expect too much of a journey- a journey is just a journey.

But what you can do is expect a lot from yourself: you can change your mindset, no matter where you are. You do not need to quit your job-you just need to quit your habits. This means change. Change is the key to new happiness if you have the feeling of not having been happy before.

Change your life, but more mentally than physically. As long as you do that you are on the right way to pursuit your happiness-no matter if being on a journey or not.

Nice to meet you-this is me

Hi, its me! Welcome on my blog. I am glad you found the way. To start my blog I would like to tell you some things about me. I am a German girl, right from Berlin. I am 24 years old and I study in Stuttgart. Since my studies do not have the highest priority in my life I try to make time for things that really count for me. Those are several things, but most important: doing what makes me happy and what really counts for me. On my way from one side-job to another, from one dating-story to another and from several oner struggles to another I welcome you to join my ride!