The feeling of fitting in-I guess this is something we go through day by day. Sometimes we may not recognize it-probably this is when we feel like fitting in. This is when we feel invincible and incredibly good. It seems like nothing can hurt us, because we are a part of a big group. A part of a huge, homogenous community. There is no room for doubts. This feeling lasts as long as you feel like fitting in. Maybe it grows and lasts a little longer.
But as soon as the feeling of fitting in decreases the doubts will increase. This is something I experienced several times. At some point I began to ask myself if I really need to fit in and what does fitting in mean? The feeling of fitting in or not is a really weird one, especially because no one really knows the rules of fitting in or not. There is no criteria.
But there is a ruler. A ruler, who decides not very objectively but very mercilessly. And the ruler is yourself. The only person that decides if you fit in or not is yourself.
Fitting in does not mean being like everybody else-because there is no „everybody else“. Everybody is different. This homogenous community does not exist. The only similarity that everybody shares is that everybody is different. As a consequence feeling like fitting means being different, being aware of it and especially being able to not only accept it but to love it. Who should love you if you do not love you by yourself?
When I was a bit younger, I guess it was like 4 or 5 years ago, a lot of my friends start doing drugs. The grew from partying, to drinking and finally they end up doing drugs. I developed in quite the opposite direction. From partying I went on to a healthier lifestyle. I wanted to become more balanced, more „boring“ like some people would say. But this was what I needed.
Of course, it was not easy recognizing that some of my best friends developed in the opposite direction. I ask myself if something was wrong with me. I tried keep on partying with them, but I just could not enjoy it. It was terrible, because I always joined them although I definitely did not fit in. I recognized that. And everybody else did. It is not directly obviously but everybody has that instinct. So I spent my weekends doing things I did not like just to pretend being what I considered as „normal“. The biggest struggle is that if you do so, you cannot develop your own lifestyle. The more time you spent doing the wrong things, the more you will get to know people that do not fit into your lifestyle. Those are the moments that grow the feeling inside of you-the feeling of not fitting in. This is when you see the „homogenous group“ that fits together perfectly.
And this is when you need to stop. As long as you spend time doing things that do not ft to you, you will get to know people that do not fit to you. This is what I recognized after having spent too much time.
When I grew older I started to to different things and in order to that I met a lot of different people. It is not important to meet people that do the same things you do. It is important to meet all kind of different people and to recognize they accept you, no matter what you do.
It is unbelievably releasing not to try to hide the own dreams and visions. As soon as you start to be honest about yourself nobody will criticise you for that. You will learn how ridiculous it is to ask yourself if you ft in or not.
At the beginning of this blogpost I mentioned the so-called instinct. This is, as I said, something we all have. Due to this instinct, people will recognize if you accept yourself as you are. If you do so, they will not even ask themselves if they accept you-they will just do so. And this is what you do instinctively as well. The more you accept yourself, the more others will accept you. The more you accept yourself, you will feel like fitting in. No because you are equal to everybody also, but because you do not need to care. And this makes you a part of this big, homogenous group that is totally different but has one important similarity: being different and appreciate it.
As you may have recognized, this could be called a vicious circle. If you are happy with what you are you will feel like fitting in, which means you will be appreciated. This will make you feel even more happy and so on. Unfortunately this could go into the opposite direction as well. This is why it is so important to do what you love. If you do what you love, you will meet people that share the same visions and dreams. Besides, the happier you are the less you ail compare yourself to others. So do not force yourself into something you don’t see yourself in. Tis is never a goof idea. As soon as you start to surround yourself in an area you feel comfortable in, you’re self-esteem will grow and it won’t take long until you can be proud of what you are-no matter where you are.
So to sum-up, the feeling of fitting in is a construct that we build by ourselves.There is no objective criteria ind therefore this feeling is completely irrational. As soon as we start to control that feeling we will be able to fit in everywhere and to convince everybody that we are perfect just right as we are.